I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
