Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
