As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
