with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
