I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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