last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
