There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
