90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
