We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
