separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
