He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
