i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
