chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
