I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he shaved USA in his pubs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
