it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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