How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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