He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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