took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
