lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
