seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
