What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
