Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
