Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
