Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
