True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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