So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
