well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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