just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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