DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
