Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
