time to smoke my breakfast
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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