Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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