don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
