Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
