Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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