John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
