he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
