So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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