dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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