this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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