this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
