This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
