You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
