I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
