sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
