I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
