girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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