Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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