I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
there is glitter all over my balls
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
