So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
