i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
