Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
