the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dignity is for republicans.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
