The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
