So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
