He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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